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If you have a joke you'd like to see posted... send it in
Q: Why should the University of Michigan change its name to
the 'Opossums'?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the
road.
Kathy Johnson
Oak Harbor, Ohio
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Q: How many batteries does it take to light up Michigan's
stadium?
A: 1 AA
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Q: What do marijuana and Michigan have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls.
Q: What kind of car does Jim Tressel own?
A: Lloyd Carr (yeah, that's right boys... LLLLLoyd Carr)
Brock
Xenia, Ohio
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Q: Why do Wolverine players eat their Wheaties straight from
the box?
A: They choke whenever they get near a bowl.
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Q: What is the difference between a dollar bill and the
Michigan Wolverines?
A: A dollar bill is good for 4 quarters.
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Q: What do you get when you cross a Michigan football player
with a groundhog?
A: Six more weeks of bad football.
Doug Yoder
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Q: What do you call a Michigan cheerleader with two brain
cells?
A: Pregnant.
Josh Ghiloni
Raleigh, NC by way of Heath, OH
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Q: Why don't Michigan fans let their kids play in the sand
box?
A: Because the cats keep covering them up.
Derek Sabo
Nashville. Tennessee
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Q: What do you get when you have a basement full of Michigan
fans?
A: A Whine Cellar
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Q: An OSU fan and a Michigan fan are in the third grade.
Who's bigger?
A: The Michigan fan... he's 18 years old.
Q: How do you get all of the Michigan grads out of your
neighborhood?
A: Hide all of the cardboard boxes.
Q: What do you say to a Michigan player in a 3 piece suit?
A: Will the defendant please rise?
Nick Wallace
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Q: How do you keep a Michigan player out of the endzone?
A: Put a classroom there.
Marc
Kokomo, Indiana
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Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of
Michigan campus?
A: A visitor
Q: Why doesn't Michigan have ice on their sidelines during
games?
A: The guy with the recipe graduated.
Q: How do you get a Michigan girl into an elevator?
A: Grease her hips, and throw in a Twinkie.
Ron Newman
Cincinnati, Ohio
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Q: Why do women in Michigan wear high heels?
A: To keep their knuckles from dragging on the ground.
Greg Miller
Cincinnati, Ohio
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Q: What does a tornado and a Michigan Grad have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.
Jeff Bailey
Columbus, Ohio
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Q: What words do you most often hear from a career minded U
of M graduate?
A: Would you like fries with that?"
Mike Williams
Maumee, Ohio
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Q: Why are there 2 teams from Michigan in the Big ten?
A: There was so much crap in Ann Arbor they had to start
another pile.
Doug Shaver
Fostoria, OH
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Q: What are the three hardest years in the life of a
Michigan Wolverine fan?
A: Second Grade.
Timothy Adams
Wuerzburg, Germany
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Q: What do you get when you breed a pig with a Michigan fan?
A: There are some things even pigs won't do.
Jeremy Cramer
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Q: Why do the University of Michigan grads hang their
diplomas from the rearview mirror?
A: So they can park in the handicapped spaces.
Bill Shade
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Q: Why don't they teach drivers ed and sex ed on the same
day in Michigan?
A: It's too hard on the mule.
Steve Amweg
Alexandria, Va
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Q: Where was O.J. headed in the white Bronco?
A: Bloomington, IN ......He knew that the police would never
look there for a Heisman Trophy winner.
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Q: Why did Tennessee choose orange as their team color?
A: You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on
Sunday, and picking up trash the rest of the week.
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Q: What do you call a 200 lb. Michigan cheerleader?
A: Anorexic
Dan Balson
Riverwoods, IL
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Q: How many Michigan freshman does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course
Tim Denney
Columbus, OH
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Q: How many pallbearers would be needed for a Wolverines
funeral?
A: Two. A garbage can only has two handles.
Q: Why hasn't Ohio fallen into Kentucky?
A: Because Michigan SUCKS.
Q: What is blue and yellow and has two teeth?
A: The front row at Michigan stadium.
Q: What do you call a football player in Michigan who has
talent?
A: A product of Ohio.
Shawn Meckfessel
Oak Harbor, OH
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Q: What's the difference between a Michigan cheerleader and
an elephant?
A: About 50 pounds.
Q: How do you make up the difference?
A: Force feed the elephant.
Matt
Cincinnati, OH
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Q: What is the difference between a dead dog on the freeway
and a dead Michigan fan on the freeway?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
D. Milligan
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Q: What is the difference between Michigan and Frosted
Flakes?
A: Frosted Flakes know what to do in a Bowl.
Michael Zimmerman
Gainsville,GA
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Q: What is a Michigan football player's favorite pick-up
line?
A: Didn't we almost flunk out together?
Q: What is every Michigan football player assigned upon
arriving at Ann Arbor?
A: A personal bail bondsman?
Stacy West
San Francisco, CA
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Q: How many Michigan players does it take to screw in a
lightbulb?
A: One, but he gets three credits for it.
Dan
Vernon Hills, IL
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Q: What is the definition of a wolverine?
A: A rat with VD.
Shawn Meckfessel
Oak Harbor, OH
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Q: What is the difference between a Michigan fan and a
bucket of s#!%?
A: The bucket.
Dom Carrozzino
Bowling Green, OH
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Q: What is long and hard on a Michigan fan?
A: First Grade.
David Stammler
Columbus, OH
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Q: What's the difference between Michigan stadium and a
porcupine?
A: Michigan stadium has 100,000 pricks on the inside.
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Q: Why did the Michigan Wolverine stop having phone sex?
A: Because the little holes hurt too much.
Jim Chandler
Kansas City, MO
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Q: How do you get to Ann Arbor from Columbus?
A: Go north until you smell shit, then west until you step
in it.
Dennis Skeen
Phoenix, Arizona by way of Mt.Vernon, OH
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Q: If 3 Michigan players are in a car, then who is driving?
A: A police officer.
Claire Vannette
San Diego, CA
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Q: How do you keep a Michigan player from drowning??
A: Take your foot of of their head.
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Q: How do you get a Michigan grad off of your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.
Brian Luther
Hubbard, Ohio
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Q: What is the only sign of intelligent life in Michigan?
A: The freeway sign that says "Columbus, 192 miles".
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Q: What does the average UM student get on his SAT?
A: Drool
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